i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
