You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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