You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
