Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
