Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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