You're completely useless in the revolution.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
