you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
