Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
