sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
