Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
