Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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