I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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