she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
