I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
