I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
