I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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