those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
