I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
