I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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