there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
