Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
