Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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