Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
