Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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