My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
