If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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