Sober January is a disaster.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
