me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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