Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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