Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
