you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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