What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
