Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
