Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
