Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
