So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
