Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
