Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
