loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
