Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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