i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
