Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
