Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
