just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
