you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
