wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
