do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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