we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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