Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
