So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
