the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
