He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
